Begin

I love New Year endings and beginnings. Unfortunately my love for them has more to do with regrets than hope, I'm afraid. At this time of year when I'm taking stock of the way I've loved and the way I've hated, I wish I could shut the door and never look back. I always find myself asking for a second (third, fourth, fifth....) chance to get it right -- to be a better mother, wife, Kingdom builder. I ache for another shot at using my voice and my life to speak for a God that so many can't see or hear. I fear another year of mistakes and squandered opportunities. But we all know that that kind of thinking can lead to a paralysis of sorts -- an inability to even start.

God never meant for me to keep a record of wrongs, including my own. When I think about 2009 He wants me to remember the times I sang my note and sang it well. He wants me push on and to never give up and to be gentle with the life He formed for His purpose. He wants me to enter 2010 remembering who I am and who He is, and the rest will follow. No regrets.

Mystery of Moods

I'm going to talk around a subject to protect my male readers and to respect blog protocol that cautions against over sharing. I had a particularly tense, emotionally charged, almost Linda Blair response to my children's bickering the other morning. I knew my reaction was over the top so I checked the calendar and realized I was only impersonating Shannon. It was day 28 and my glorious, life-giving, dawn of creation, female power had taken over.

I decided the kids were old enough to be tipped off to this life-cycle I was playing out. Without getting into any details about how babies are made, I explained how some women have a pattern of mood swings based on a monthly, God-given physical change. I kept the explanation mysterious and beautiful so Sydney wouldn't turn in her membership card to our secret sister society. I told them I would let them know in the future when day 28 was near, and that I would try harder to prevent my gentle mothering from being affected. With one eyebrow raised, Sydney said that on day 28 she would make sure she came to breakfast with a helmet, shield and sword.

The Path from Pacifism

hiiiiiiiiiiiya!   keeeeeeeeeya!   crash

I'm hearing a lot of these sounds lately. Lucas is slowly discovering his own power through Taekwondo and it's very dangerous in my house. For the first nine years of his life, his pacifist mother whispered "be peace" in his ear. Then his world got scary and his mother lion started whispering "protect yourself." Try love and diplomacy first, but have a plan "b". Right? Can I still call myself a pacifist?

He recently competed in his first tournament and I just had to make a video -- slow mo and all.